It is luck that destines friends. I have been happily friended for many years. And it's been a hec of a time. There have been ups and downs, good times and then some more. Believe me when I say - I don't take friendship for granted.
Some friends have newly come and some have gone, some have left an impression I can't lose. One I think of sometimes with some measure of remorse is still a friend.
We're just not that close anymore.
Mostly within the past 6 months had we met any conflict of harmony- i prefer to call it apathy.
It was then, having left someone I became unexpectedly near & dear to, that I came very close to committing some random depressive act or another. Needing my best friend’s help to overcome this state I called her and rather than explain what happened, ended up (much to my chagrin) losing my composure on the phone, she after consoling me on the phone, told me to take it easy and go to sleep!
She decided that her time was best spent going out with a guy - shopping.
Having confronted her with this she claims she had no idea why I was upset. And thought that my persistent insomnia had to do with it.
People choose to believe things when faced with facts that scream otherwise. This is an example of that. Incovenient truths dominate our lives. So we choose to ignore them.
Having let off steam and seemingly resolved the matter, we went on with our lives.
And yet somehow in the months that followed -
a) I had becoming more calculating in my responses to her needs – it was truly hateful.
b) She never once suggested a remedy for this damage. Funny how friends can grow apart.
In a conversation to be the beginning of the end – a nonchalant claim was made. Several other needless remarks that could’ve been avoided were made that nite.
She was a person I had confided in utterly and have spent a considerable amount of good time & faith with. Tempers don' take long to wear - and I felt the need for this person to share personal tragedies and blessings passing.
How do you let someone know that you're unwilling to invest time in them anymore? Esp when such a change is most noticeable. Apparently I was looking for some kind of resolution to the 40lb dead albatross around my neck. Not knowing ofcourse which way the razor sharp beak of the issue lay.
So thence it came. Several months later she recried her follies by repeating mine. Here was my chance - a chance to slap back? I didn't.
This guy she was planning to marry - perhaps one of the more ill-tempered people I have met - moody (think 'tazzy devil') and drastic (Jekyll/Hyde). And yet her reasons or lack of thereof for marrying this guy and her subsequent choices showed with searing clarity how we were no longer made of the same wood - me and her. We were different people. Owned different priorities. Felt different needs.
I do understand her choices, however unnecessary I think them. I am on occasion even able to condone them.
But that reckless act of trying to secure her actions has made me in no way responsible for commiserating them anymore.
Thus it fell. We are friends. And just that.
