It was the end of classes and naively thinking that I'd just washed my hands off the distasteful task of grade entering and corroborating scores, I was gaily headed home. In zoom 30 emails.Apparently I did a piss poor job of it. Those wondrously pig-headed pre-meds seem not to miss a fraction of a point. Really quite a quaff it is somedays. Noteworthy is the fact that this "mistake" i made was worth less than 1% of their total grade. But when has that ever mattered?
A bout of relentlessly tiresome grade re-entering, spewing words of varied natures at the halfbrained twits and a channeling of D. Adams' spirit later - out popped this email. In all honesty - it was impulsive, much more entertaining were the responses I got to it.
the prof. had this to say - "you're either a genius or bat shit crazy. I think you're both. I am really going to miss you next semester!" (sniffles and sobs)
some students I hadn't anticipated on responding said - "you're like the coolest TA ever!" (right on people!)
Follows below - the much contested email.
Hey all,
I spoz & hope this is my last and final message to all.
I am very sorry to say that the "Quizzes" were/are compromised....I was originally misinformed that they were abducted by the wayward interplanetery feed of the alien planet Quigzlesxans, and seem to have been used for questionable means, some of which are exotic to academically geared public forums.After being returned to me in above-mentioned dubious state (possibly encrypted with crafty algorithmic euphemisms) it appears to my space age keen-wary mind that they show a creepy similarity to the computative contours of primitive decoding forums of the planet Goglinangetaclue used then for inane purposes like discovering the meaning of life.....this was back in times before Earth's first cro-magnon man crawled out of his cave and said in a curious whisper "Blaog?" - the detritus had already wet the galaxy folks.
Times certainly have changed since those milk and water days - now the subtle power of the "small fractionated numbers" rules the similitude of rational and irrational people - much like they continue their oppressive rule of irrational numbers. Unfortunately - the outcome of this foul matter hitting the fan is the redution of your quiz grades to a fraction of the original.....I shrug and wring my hands becoz forces greater than you and me are at work here. And it also means that in our current state of affairs the NASA We-haven't-a-clue-but- we'll-file-everything-in-a-sterile-manner-alien affairs department - WHACBWFEIASMAAD will possibly confiscate these reports and make them inaccessible by filing them in a sterile cabinet somewhere in the vast confines of NRSAIUAM (No Real-Secret Alien Information Usurption Affairs Management)....infact as I write this message I hear the familiar drone of the NASA Peculiar Space Information Usurption Vessel a PSI-UV - 1354 hovering outside my window - here comes the giant vacuum arm - and there go the Quiz Files....
Shrug.
Wring hands.
Shrug.
But HOPE PREVAILS!
Being a primitive and many times unfortunate windows user - i make backups - so no worries...corrected grades are likely to be posted...but be warned - they are pregnant with diabolical information!
So you are likely to be hypnotized by minds immeasurably superior to yours in ways that escape the fractions of your understanding...and all for what?
One standard multiple of 4.
