It's absurd, this absolute loss of control of my life, that i feel sometimes.
Ennui ennui everywhere and not a rope to tie my neck with.
I feel like i'm falling and falling and there's no end in sight.
And then suddenly it'll be over much like it never happened.
And yet, it does linger in the shadows of my thoughts and my dreams, like a dim fragrance.
I can feel the bottomlessness.
It is abyssmal. Without a bottom part. No lid to cover its ass. Such is loneliness.
Its so easy to succumb to helplessness.
I wish for too many things.
I just want to be either so appealing that it's hard to resist me or so absolutely bold that I care not what people think. Or invisible. Or possess some kind of magic.
Why must I be so utterly confused at all times? it feels like there's a clound around my head.
Why must I be so utterly restrained? like something inside me is chained up and has given up trying to escape.
Why must i always be so scared? and no cause of fear is perceptible.
Why must I always question? Must be the scientist in me.
Science Mmmm
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