Savoir-faire

I know the next lesson. It is about love.

And it comes from W. And I have the option of it happening now or 10yrs later. I have the option of losing the real lesson in its attachments and swaying emotions. Of forgetting that me and W are bound by an indelible bond that no worldly (ir)relationship can change. Or I have the option of holding it truer than anything else i will learn, and thus truly learn it.

Even while I was still a very young person - i understood that i tended to form attachments to men quickly and sail away with half-a-wit and none-to-hesistant return of those affections into my dreamland of forever love. Not knowing what 'it' was but just knowing that 'it' was very powerful. While still young I realized this was passion and I craved it lustily.

I can see the difference between passion and true love albeit vaguely, but I know it to be distinct.

It was PC that said "I have always believed the Universe was made of Love and Music", and it was I who said, "Ha! I always thought it was Mathematics and Music that made it up".

And yet as I said those words I realized them to be not entirely accurate. There had to be love. It had to be - but it remains an unfathomable thing to me.

I don't know why I know now that it's part of the equation or how it may even be the entire equation, but i feel that strongly, even though I still don't know what love truly is.

I can think love. but I can't feel it.

I know attachment. I know peace. I know forgiveness - but i do not know how it is that I can know/feel/do these things. I don't know what love really feels like. I know what passion feels like. I know what the need to be loved feels like. But I don't know what that inescapable je ne sais quoi is, that loves and loves and knows nothing else. And I need to know it. It is my purpose, for now atleast.

If mathematics is the language of love and music its truest rendering...it is indeed important for me to realize that which is everything.

I have a feeling that whatever it is that W will impart/or won't impart on me, I will bring it to every aspect of my understanding, to every relationship that I have formed.
It won't bring more attachments but it will bring the realization of how exactly loves fits everything.

Or maybe how everything fits love.

It remains to be seen.