ab uno disce omnes

I have noticed that people seem to verbalize that which matters to them. And then I tend to look back on all the writing I have ever done, it's about nothing. Nada. Non-provocative.

And I talk to Papa Charlie (tee hee) and realize that even though it's the world's perception of her - that she is laid back and charlie toed (teehee) - she's really passionate about the stuff she really cares about.

Which brings me to the matter of - Does nothing matter to me?

I was just at Ark's blog & btw? that guy's deep.

He is incessantly analysing, using his faculties and very probitively addressing issues he may have faced. I feel - listening to him self-instruct himself, constantly trying to put things in perspective, etc that here's a guy that cares about being the person he is. Which is truly amazing.
Damn mate, you're an intense person.

And here I am la-di-dahing about nothing in general.

And it's not the good kind of nothing - it's the kind that's readily dismissable. It's not like I talk about my day, the people I met or something I liked or disliked about the world.

Which brings me back to - what is it that I ponder? Or perhaps - HOW is it that I ponder?

Everything is not so laid out that I ought to feel I really already know it. Like Papa Charlie sez sometimes "I feel as if nothing really matters". And I am hard put to disagree with her - but I understand the need to disagree with her. Becoz it is one thing to be apathetic and another to be aware and satisfied with the affairs of the world - becoz you understand them now.

Growing pains, immense pressure of the social cycle tends to distort an ordinary outlook on life, however. Apathy seems like the ill of the hour.

I think it's imperative that people have atleast one chance in their life to look at their life critically - to step away from themselves, quit feeling the victim and just see things the way they are laid out. Percieve a higher truth and perhaps have it mean something to them.
it seems to me that once this essential idea settles in that life is a game, a lesson, an activity...et al, it becomes easier and easier to deal with everyday situation, to be less impassioned about daily struggles and such.

What people like Ark show me is that the quest is far from over - you can continue to learn, imbibe and practise on a daily basis.

Perhaps a retention of so called mundane details and the messages within will help clarify what else I am here to know/learn/experience. Recalling several things that happened a few months ago is hard for me and yet i was perhaps at the height of a keen observation and now - it seems I have no recollection of the events. I seemed to have come away with knowledge at the time - but have I lost it? the question begs asking.

Something VicKtoria pointed out the other day - sometimes we gain perspective after the event has passed - hangs over my head. Like a sword. This is actually what I have believed to be true.
Becoz obviously i am passing up the oppurtunity to process my life now in the hope that the future will give me a chance to actually sit down and react to the things i have internalized.

This is assuming I have any retentive power at all.

And thence, I pledge to be more observant henceforth - for crying out loud - I'm a scientist - it's supposed to be my way of life - "observation". And as I mentioned perhaps observation isn't my cardinal problem - retention is. Thus I doubly pledge to increase my quota of observation and conciously retain the information so gathered for further analysis.

I'm even going to go ahead and set a rule: perception but not involvement is the key concept here. Don't internalize too much, ya?