AM and her little bro DM(?) just paid a little midnight visit to the place.
This is the brother that stole the guitar from under my nose that lay in the house that Jack built. Well not so much "stole" but more "snatched the very essence of yard sales" right out of my happy life...or something like that.
He's a nice guy. He looks like her and is mostly good-humoreed and funny and loves telling stories (the award for the best overuse of the conjunction 'and' goes to...bated breath...VR! {thunderous applause}). All this I got from the half-hour they were putzing around my place. It was really all just an excuse for AM to show him off. It's nice to see siblings get along as well as they do.
Much hilarity ensued when he decided to relate some of the wacko stories about his trip down from MA to...where we live (sike!).
This is the story of the motel they got directed to in strip-club city (doi) by the pimp, who saw DM in his wife beater and his Finnish goddess in the car and thought that they were lookin' for time to...yknow......lay in the house that Jack built(sike sike!). So about this love-motel they were misdirected to...shall we call it "Crabs n (J)ocks"? Cliches abounded to an absurdity. (Pubes, lubes and) Charges by the hour. And this though it sounded "off" wasn't about to tip 'em. Them of the penny-short, of the dime-less, of the nickle-unhappy, of the dollar-missing...so on and so forth. Besides, LOTS of places charge by the hour in the seedy part o' town where the love muffins come to seek their debauchery and it don't mean nothing unless there's...yknow...porn on tv or something. So, as they walked it then there was the lone pink wall in the room of mirrors (all of the other 3 walls - ceiling to floor, people!), there were the velvet curtains with big red hearts sown on (tacky lace etal), lil red fairy lights going all around the room and romanesque pillars with the lights around them and the jacuzzi chock full of...yup...pubes, the phallic-tv-remote, oh and the tv with free porn. In case someone was wondering: Channel 39. Apparently this is something of a regular way that "such stuff" is made available on tv at an hourly rate.
{He is totally over the top, just as she is. It was a laughter filled hour}.
Then "the wild cow" story bobbed its bonny head above the fence and went moo and the evening turned nearly riotous. It is one fish story that I find I must share - for lo! (ah, i do love that word - "lo!" - i could use it forever, its musical singularity mesmerizes!) - they talked of the "wild cows" of Chershire, MA and the scrappy story of how that shifty name was bestowed on the beasts.
{Good-natured fun of their parents complete with the funny talking farmly voices led into this anecdote of}...the disney-esque story of the 3 cows - "Trios Vacas" - that {ahem} JUMPED out of the back of a cow trailer (as it was moving, folks.) and 'took off' (they musta been practically racing at 2mph). Well-nigh, 'running' (cough) amok on Chershire's farm-y streets, destroying the fences, defiantly chewing the cud that was not lawfully theirs and laying their poop out in the open (gasp) - like...like...cows that be heathen!
Such insensitive brutes as them rightly deserved their terrorizing label "Le Wild Cows". {Side note: Chershire is not quaintly french. That was a writer's license.}
'parently they'd chow down in the middle of a pasture of hay that they did not belong to, no milk was shared no meat was begotten of the poor owners and then these cows dared to lay their excrements about so garishly, and also scarred the local chipmunks for life with their tree-rubbing ways, these, as everyone knows, are a rude slap on the dignified name of a true Chershire Cow.
Short story shorter...2 of the sociopaths were caught (lassoed? netted? vetted?), but the one still runs 'wild' - as they in the farmlands.
And so it happens that this infidel monstrosity found its way onto AMs farm. The parentals spotted thems poop-piles and proceeded to show DM & his Finnish goddess the true nature of the American hick. As they tracked the "wild cow" they spotted other fresh "droppings" and hoof marks made by the unrighteous beast. The cow must be around the corner. Surely.
Not.
'But the hoove marks...'
'Let it go Eloise'.
And where-ever IT wanders on their wide farms there it stays safe until one of the cow-blood hungry Uncles' spot it and growls:
"we's be having some wild cow toooonight".
Ringing Shot (things echo in the country-side).
'Moooooooooooooooooooo.'
'Thud.'
"that was a fine cow we tipped eh Billy-Jean?"........(crickets)...
........Silence of the lambs.
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