ॐ भूर्भुवस्वः

I missed a crucial thing. I did not see it before...today I rediscover it.



***

If you focus on what you can't do, then you're telling yourself what you can't do instead of just doing it.

Alternately,

"If you argue for your limitations, they'll be yours."

***

A chat with an old friend, The Effrafax of Wug, revealed in it the potency of a true scientist...pearls, all of them.

Thus he spake,

"Only a person capable of thinking of a question that does not have any answer is driven to find the answer. And, the nature of questions can vary from being fairly simple to very complex."

then there was:

"You become famous only when you come up with considerable answers to the questions."

I find that, as crass as it may seem at first glance, a true measure of humanity. Or if you dig deeper the true way to answer any Q in veritas.

For a while I struggled to understand the 3 major disciplines in Science.

Physics - we study so we can understand the nature of this reality, its laws and limitations...its general theory.

Biology - we study so we can understand Life, all its pursuits, its intricacies, its struggles, its conquerance of all inanimation in its complexity.

But Chemistry - You have eluded me too long! The use of chemistry seemed too ordinary and served a servile purpose for a long time...to explain the Biology of things. And so what if all things were chemical in nature? They were held in place by the deterministic laws of Physics. I think back thousands of years. And the first extant chemistry begins with the fire! Who were the truest chemists of the ages? Alchemists! Alchemy was truely noble in its cause. Its real purpose was to understand "the very essence of life". To discover the "Elixis de vivre".

It was the first and only way to understand the essence of everything and see how and what in this reality can be changed - transformed! It describes to me the true value of human imagination, and of its quest. I am now able to appreciate it fully.

I know now what's happening to me a little bit better. I am starting to believe.

(wink)

Here's the end of this invigorating conversation:

myself: But i am still struggling with Science and what role it plays in my life and what role I play in it

Effrafax of Wug: well these are some of the complex questions to which the answers will not be known

myself: and when that eludes me some days I fall back on hippocracies becoz i am too tired to understand it and why I used to like it... I think the answers can be known - you need to know to ask them.

Effrafax of Wug: hmmm

myself: and once you understand how beautiful it is...there is no going back. no going back at all.

Effrafax of Wug: now you're talking like the person I know

myself: I was feeling inadequate and parts of it were starting to unravel...but there you were - being yourself - and it helped me very much.

and he stands there humbly...

Effrafax of Wug: i am glad i am of some use.

SOME use?? You were inspirational today!

....

What a conversation!

***

I spent all last night either tossing n turning or in half-stupor about W.

There was the long extended dream about him...where I found myself, curiously, seeing him with his girlfriend. And he was looking at me intently as if to ask...'don't you care?'
As in life I would, I ignored them both, only later to find myself clinging to him, quite desperately. I woke up this morning not wanting to wake up. Horrified at myself in the dream, but unwilling to let go of the transient closeness I felt to him in it. It was terrible. He looked terrified, when it comes down to it, terrified that I felt the same way. I fear it'll be true in this life.

I am attached to him already. This disturbs me mightly.

So I went to the book for some words of quietness. And, Incredibly, it said:

"Shop for security over happiness and you buy it. At that price."

It holds me speechless. I am feeling the envelope of calmness surround me again. I was looking to the 'answers' for their security. Such is not their nature.

***

The above made me think about life. When it so happens in life, love, tragedy or horror strikes, as much as we are in its sway or in the loathing of it, we are too scared to "wake up" because we fear we'll let go of whatever it is that we think we know so well, that there may be no greater truth than what we experience now. Even if it is something not worth holding on to because of its transience.

On this, when opened, the Handbook said:

"When you dream, all the scenery, characters, events, perils, and outcomes are built from your own conciousness, the darks and the oppressions as well as the delights. Same with the world awake, though it takes you longer to build it."

Prodigious, that book. Scarily.

***

I want the mountains. Their peace and their quiet. I want the ocean and its endless boundaries. I want their blue haze and tranquility. I am in need of an exodus. A sojourn. One from which I learn all I need and want to learn. One from which there is no return. One in which I can immerse myself in the pure calmness and be peaceful forever. But the time stretches endlessly before me. And I feel like I can't do anything I want to because I am tied to things. I am tired of the fetters that bind me. They bring little to none revelation, only thrall, only weariness. Then why do I feel compelled like this? To stay? To hold on for some more time? I only want to be released from its awful hold.

Perhaps I am just getting caught up in the circle of emotion again and am missing the mantras that are thrown my way. Like the book said...security or happiness.

I miss sometimes the gentle hum of familiar vedic prayers. I miss the invocation of a greater presence of peace. I miss it more when I feel I am losing myself to prosaic tumult and frustrations.

It finds some deep seated harmony within me...and I find I need to discover the Parabrahman more and more whence I come in touch with it again and again.

I relinquish it all to {The Gayatri Mantra}:

ॐ भूर्भुवस्वः ।

तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।

भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।

धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

oṃ bhūr bhuvaḥ svaḥ
tát savitúr váreniyam
bhárgo devásya dhīmahi
dhíyo yó naḥ pracodáyāt ||