de nobis fabula narratur

I am not too fond of intellectualism. It misses too much by being self-important.

***

I think I may have had a sun stroke today. It'll pass.

***

I am perhaps one of the youngest people in my group of friends (outside of the YAs). Younger by atleast 5 years and upto 12 years. And I have often felt like I was not upto par with the kind of general knowledge most of my friends have gained. It is worldly, true, but it is daunting nonetheless. Lately, I have become accustomed to the idea of being removed from it as I hear it progress. I experienced some of the inadequacy I have often felt before, today, but in a smaller measure.

The uncalm persists.

I saw W again today. Briefly. As we were coming in. He was leaving with his sister. We touched hands briefly. His are so soft and strangely familiar. I am losing my edge, fast. Thankfully, only I know that so far.

There's a foreboding and there's serenity. What irks me is, how often I wonder if this has happened to him before. It may have, most probably. But it oughtn't bother me.

Yet, it does. Sigh.

As I look to the horizon, for some insight...

"Like attracts like. Be who you are calm and clear and bright, asking yourself every minute is this what I really want to do, doing it only when you answer yes. This turns away those who have nothing to learn from who you are and attracts those who do, and from whom you have to learn as well."...says the Handbook.

and earlier it said...

"Unconditional love is no more a force in spacetime than it is in chess, or soccer or ice hockey. Rules define life in games, and unconditional love doesn't recognize rules."

This is something I need to hear when I am struggling most.

It also said, "To love someone unconditionally is not to care who they are or what they do. Unconditional love, on the surface, looks the same as indifference."

Two messages on love, for the last two times I have flipped it open. It soothes me.