Walkabout

I am a traveller. My various skills are those of one who travels in search of something. Minimalist. Adaptable. Possessions I carry are the ones I value most. Skills I own are for my singular and definite purposes.

***

As I think, around me things change...however subtley, however profoundly. I feel as if in and around me there is a spreading light, people I know and come to accept in my life are more accessible to me, they are thought-worthy peers. The ones I am most comfortable growing with.

More and more I find myself on the outside of conversations of which I am a part socially. Watching quietly as the superficial me continues its little rambles. I am perhaps more fully myself only when I am having a delving spiritual discussion. At all other times I feel unwilling to initiate conversation that is meaningless to me.

It is curious that having felt this way for as long as I have been alive its purport only now becomes clear. The 'outsider'. The 'introvert', 'shy', 'socially inept', etc etc. I can control these tendencies better now, I have grown to understand them. I am able on initiative to talk aimlessly. But it doesn't mean I want them to be a part of me. I understand fully why my being tends towards truer meaning now, even if it were inapparent to me, earlier, why I was so 'damaged', it has made itself abundantly clear.

***

Yesterday...as I talked to Andy, I realized why I was to share the momentous dream with him as I did. Eventhough, it was not him...it was his face, I was to tell him it was him. He told me yesterday he'd been questioning the nature of the human aspiration and what we can and can't achieve. And he was wondering whether Godliness was achievable, whether there was anything we couldn't achieve. And whence my multifaceted dream came along...it solved his quandary for him. It answered his question, appeased my queries and satisfied my parents hearts.

Me and Andy we have fought our young lives with each other...and ofcourse I had often wondered why I had him as a brother. I don't even know how I wondered that when I didn't know that we got to choose the people in our lives. It was on such occasions, as full of strife and anger as they were, that I'd remember the first few years after he was born...I was devoted to him. Absolutely and completely smitten. I would play with him in singularity. I would teach him. Gradually as he grew older...he did everything I did...as most siblings do...and sometimes it ired me and others it made me proud to be of some use. And so it continues on till this date...he denies it however, very vehemently, my effect on him...it's his subconcious that accepts me completely as a template.

And I begin to understand why he was to be this close to me...be my brother.... in the first place...were it that either me or him had forgotten what it was to know the Is...the other would be there, ever-ready...to be the guide back.

Finally. We can now grow together as we were meant to!

***

Thinking by nature is not desirous. You don't think because of desires. You may think inspite of them.